Gender Violence and Its Emotional Impact on Women and Men

In early October, I attended a conference on Gender Violence which brought together many themes and related issues.  Each month, women at Espacio Mujeres share reflections on events they have attended or books they have read that focus on issues of gender, justice, diversity, peace, nonviolence, re-imagining concepts of love and relationship, and much more.  I presented these notes to the women at Espacio Mujeres for one of our monthly meetings.  I learned much from listening to the various perspectives presented at this conference. Although I agreed with a large portion of the conference, there are points here that I think require further exploration and explanation.  These notes are a beginning point for reflection and dialogue. 

Gender Violence and Its Emotional Impact on Women and Men
(Notes from a Conference at the Center Cultural Helenico in the Gothic Chapel)
October 5, 2010

Work Experiences at the Center of Mental Health and Gender
Presented by Alejandra Buggs Lomeli, Director of Centro for Mental Health and Gender

MOTIVES TO GO TO A CONSULTATION:
---codependence - many people go for a consultation because of this factor
---its important for therapists to know the consultant's motive for an appointment, but many times a woman will say, "my motive is such and such a reason," but in reality
the therapist learns later that it was a different reason

Information about the Center for Mental Health and Gender:
-The Center of Mental Health and Gender is not under another organization.  For this reason, they have to charge those who come to receive services. 
They have a range : 250 pesos is the minimum, but psychotherapists can choose to charge much less.
A woman commented that this obligation for women to pay can be part of the path toward healing and empowerment as part of the therapy.  Women who want to receive services realize they have to make an effort for themselves.
---In the Center for Mental Health and Gender, they also offer workshops:
*facing depression, creativity, self esteem, and projects that give live and energy
"projecto de la vida"
---Although violence has been naturalized (by the media, etc.), those women who come to the Center realize that Yes, we can change!

Mental Health: Experiences of Men who Renounce their Experiences of Violence
Presented by Ignacio Lozano Verduzco (Research and Systematization GENDES Gender and Development a.c.)
---Mental Health: has been defined as an equillibrium between the inner and outer, however this definition is criticized because it can cause discrimination in deciding who is human or not.  Its also important to realize that what is real or not real is different for different people. 
---We associate masculinity with power over others.
---The idea of an "ideal" male is white, tall, married, etc.
---Violence that men commit is sometimes against other men and sometimes against women
---The crime rate is much higher for men than women
---Men use much more drugs and alcohol than women
---In society, there is not a model for men to express sadness or fear.  So, sometimes, men
express these emotions through violence.
---Men need space to express how they feel
---Men who go for consultations often feel isolated ~ Often they don't have deep relationships
with their families or friends
---Many times men arrive with many aches and pains in their bodies but they don't know why they have these pains.  Often they also have many fears.
---Another generalization about the men who go to consultations is that many times they are idealists and romantics.  They have a belief in traditional relationships and think they can complete all the traditional roles of a relationship (being strong, earning more money than their wife, etc.) and when these things don't happen, often they arrive at a point of crisis
---Sometimes, these men have a difficulty separating reality from fantasy, and spend too much time reflecting and repeating regrets in their minds.

The Overmedicalization of Women, Another Form of Gender Violence
Presented by Dra. Maria Soledad Muruaga de Lopez GuereNu, President of the Association for Women for Health in Madrid, Spain

---to say that a woman should take medicine without justifification is a form of gender violence
---Women can have different issues during different stages of life.  Medicine is not always the best answer.
~menopause, menstruation, pregnancy, birth
---some pharmaceutical companies say that medicine is necessary for these parts of life, when in reality, they are natural parts of life,  when in reality, they are natural parts of life, and medicine is not always necesary.
---Sometimes, companies that make medicines will advertise medicines without explaining adverse side effects.  For example, there is a medicine for the lack of orgasms, & while this medicine can cause more pleasurable orgasms, sometimes it can cause cancer, growth of hair on the chest, and sometimes companies do not warn of these effects.
 ---Preventitive medicine is great, but at the same time, this idea of prevention has created a lot more business for those who sells drugs and medicine.
---With this information, we need to do more research and try to find medicines with fewer side effects.
---For companies and pharmacies, often earning a profit is the main objective ~
~for example, companies sell a vaccine to protect against the HPV virus ~ to prevent cancer, but this but this vaccine only protects against two forms of the many forms of cancer (16 y 18)
~There are also many vaccines against the common cold, and while some can help, it is also natural for us to have a cold once in a while, so some question whether this is necessary.
~There is all kinds of medicine to help prevent heart problems, problems with ovaries and infertility, and these medicines can be useful, but also harmful
---Sometimes, companies treat women as objects instead of people.
~The idea that "(Ideal) Beauty and Health" go together is a huge business that uses this idea of a woman as an object more than a human being.  Young girls especially have the risk to think that this is the truth.
Sometimes young girls even get breast implants - and this is another situation when many times all the risks are not explained.  Fashion models promote the idea of a thin body and an expressionless face
and this can cause a lot of harm especially to young girls.
---Women are a demographic group that have a risk of using too many tranquilizing medicines because many times older women continue caring for children and are overexhausted.  2/3 of women use tranquilizers and have a high risk of adverse side effects.
---Women from the low economic classes are the most medicated.
---Many doctors are not educated in gender issues. Many times doctors are trained to give answers to patients.  Often women think sickness is her fault.  When they receive a prescription, its like a confirmation of their maladjustment.
---All of this is a way to maintain dominance.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
--Improve the biomedical model of health and sickness
--Professional formation in health with a perspective on gender
--Education, Health, and Citizenship go together (Quote: "Taking joy in living is a person's best cosmetic")
--Research in health and pharmacy from a gender oriented perspective
--Asociacion Mujeres para La Salud :
--Comments from Pilar Sanchez, director of Women's Space for a Dignified Life Free of Violence: What is beauty? Each year that we add to life, we add more understanding
and more beauty, Youth is not everything, as the media says.

Violence, a Spectacle of the Media
Presented by Lucia LAgunes Huerta, Director of Communication and Information for Women A.C. CIMAC

---Societal constructions obligate women and men to act in certain ways in order to feel accepted in society.
---Society teaches that being a man means being violent.
---Incalculable messages promote violence:
commercials, sports, TV programs, board games, advertisements.
---Sometimes the idea is that the games that are the most violent are also the most fun
---In commercials, there is discrimination for girls and boys.
For example, in commercials targeted for boys, there is a lot of movement, rhythm, strong colors,
violence, and they are often fast paced.  In commercials targeted at girls,
there are many pastel colors, soft music, peace, etc.
--Soap Operas often have lots of violence: rape, abandonment,
affairs, even feminicide

And Still...We Sing
Presented by Patricia Kelly Ramirez, Radio Program "1260 am Improving your daily life"

*There is a lot of violence transmitted through popular and traditional culture.  We have to be conscious of what we listen to and the messages that we listen to. The example that
Patricia Kelly Ramirez gave was "we are not going to cure the diabetes of this country by closing all the bakeries and not eating our favorite breads at holidays. We will also not stop listening to songs
with messages of violence, but we have to be conscious. We have the great option of choosing, and knowing what we listen to."

From MISTREATMENT TO GOODTREATMENT, a perspective of coexistence and peace
Presented by Dra. Josefina Sanz Ramon, Director Foundation Therapy of Reunion in Valencia, Spain
---Judeochristianity has made an excision separating the body and spirit
~the value is pain, and the fear is pleasure
~in this system, hierarchy and roles have been used to maintain dominance.  What "scripts" are sustaining mistreatment
-Myths of patriarchal society are based in mistreatment and dominance.
-Thinking about words, there are two official words: "Mistreatment" and a verb, to "Mistreat"
but there is no word "Goodtreatment" nor a verb "to goodtreat"
-We don't have a sufficient model for "Goodtreatment."  We have to create a model and those words. 
-We have to use creativity and invention to create this model for good treatment.
-We need education for health and peace:
~THREE SPACES:
~social, relational, internal
~social violence: structural violence with the premise of equality.  For example, the hierarchy says who is "worth more": For example: Northamericans, Men, White people
The social system transmits the mistreatment of gender through TV, radio, etc.
This model is internalized and normalized by men and women.
~Relational Violence: Violence in wars, between men, between men and women
*sometimes, women return to their abusors.  Why? What are the expectations that we have about relationships?
What types of relationships do we create? How do we believe that we deserve love? How do we learn to love ourselves?
~In relationships of love, there is love of passion and other types of love.
Sometimes, by way of society or religion, we are imposed with actions that have to follow
in certain types of relationships.  Loving someone does not mean you have to live with that
person or even being in a relationship with that person.  We need to open our hearts to think in other perspectives about relationships and the many different possibilities to express love.
~Internal violence is more difficult to see: sometimes we can see through body language
---Factors that cause violence:
*Low self esteem
*If one does not know how to manage emotions
*The idea that one has to be with a partner in order to be happy
*From the internal space, with self understanding, we can make changes...
---Can we change social, relational, and internal values?
How can we promote "Goodtreatment"?
~Listen to and learn to live with a healthy relationship to our emotions
~Tolerance (for errors, not for violence).  We have to learn what we need to accept and what not to accept.
~Our emotional body is not isolated - Emotions form part of our bodies.
*We can learn to express emotions in a variety of ways.  We can learn that our emotions are not good or bad. We can learn to confront how we feel in the midst of life's issues.  Emotions transform if we let them transform.  We learn to breath, how to live with care and celebration for our bodies.
*a problem is that we have Emotions of Gender
~For example, to be accepted by society in general (and also the model that is the media), men can't express fear or sadness. They can only express anger.  Many times, men express anger when they want or need to express sadness or fear.  Many times, men express these emotions through violence.
~Women can't express anger, but can express fear and sadness.  This can cause depression, because they are not expressing anger.
~For women and men, we need to learn about the process of grief - goodbyes. What has ended. We should teach this in schools! Because we often don't understand the work/process of grief. 
And we can be destroyed by it if we don't know how to move through it.  Processes of grief
happen in all points of life. ~Grief and Goodbyes:
1.) Denial
 2.) Anger
3.)Negotiation
 4.) Depression
5.) Acceptance
6.) Indifference
 7.) Goodbye
 8.)Death
 9.) Pain/Grief
10.) Closure
11.) Opening
 12.) Gratitude
~We have to remember the power of
 1.) Listening/Expressing
2.)Identifying
 3.) Channeling our emotions
---Therapy of Reunion in the three spaces: social, relational, internal
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